Sydney, Australia - (ReUterus & Bare Ass Mess): "I blame them fetid Somali pirates, personally," was the only printable comment from Dave Skank, Editor of leading Ausralian ladsmag Rough! today.
Skank, 69 has been left redfaced and 'feeling a right tit' after an entire consigment of 130,000 womens' inflatable breasts - mostly size 36FF cup to 48GG - 'suddenly vanished' enroute from a Beijing rubber factory to their final Sydney destination.
The £100,000 consignment was meant to be the magazine's New Year's freebie giveaway along with 'first aid' instructions on resuscitating lactating women 'fallen on hard times and in dire need'.
The Australian Navy has been placed on high alert in case the breasts have been swept overboard in some freak meterological occurence.
"Of course if they'd already been inflated they could double up as makeshift liferafts," a Maritime Coastguards source commented.
The Somali Pirates Collective has denied all knowledge.