Written by jeremy griffiths
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Monday, 1 December 2008

image for Global Warming Over - Carbon Paper Solution!
Back to the Future.

In a stunning "Eureka" moment, researchers have realised that the phasing out of carbon paper in the last forty odd years has been the sole cause of global warming.

For readers under 40, in a pre-photocopier/printer age the blue/black ink soaked thin paper beloved of inky fingered secretaries, was the standard way to make document copies.

"Talk about missing the bleedin' obvious", commented HRH Prince Charles, "We of course in MY office have always used carbon paper, none of those new fangled copier gadgets in our organisation, I just didn't know that it had virtually disappeared".

Governments around the world are rushing to legislate for the return of carbon paper. The Hackney Council Planning Dept. alone will consume enough carbon paper to offset emissions from 1.842 million cars.

N.I.T.S. (Nat. Inst. Temperature Sensitivity) are embarrassed that the world has been going to hell in a handcart beneath their noses. "What can we say" lamented 'Inky' Papier, French Canadian head of research, "My team and I are resigning forthwith, we failed to link the biggest technological shift in the last fifty years to the huge increase in Global Warming".

Computer modelling has revealed that each sheet of carbon paper soaks up more carbon than 54 medium sized Douglas Fir trees. Experts predict that a swift return to carbon paper, achieved by banning all copier machines could see a return to a carbon neutral planet within 6 years and 29.5 days.

Speculators have already caused "The big Three" US auto shares to double in value and Exxon shares are up by 140% as Americans are expected to rush back to sign up in triplicate for new "Gas Guzzlers".

Greens spokesperson Lentil Palid was overjoyed at the news "Fuck Yeah!, now I can buy a Mustang!" he sobbed delightedly.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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