INDIA - After a 3-day standoff with a tactical terrorist group that left hundreds dead, Military officials discovered a man hiding in the basement of the Taj Mahal Hotel. Abnach Dulaur-Huladen was hiding in a boiler room of the massive structuce when international military troops raided the building. Believed to be one of the masterminds behind this attack, Dulaur-Huladen was immediately taken into custody and thoroughly interrogated.
"All we wanted was a...hamburger," the suspect was quoted as saying, "cows are illegal to kill here and we were dying for a hamburger! We figured if we have to suffer, so should everyone else! Infidels!"
A few Americans were killed in the attacks, but for being Jewish, not American. A number of British citizens were also killed due to their horrible sense of humor and lack of dental hygiene.
An Indian military general in Mumbai said, "Most of the people killed were Hindi. The tourists tried to interfere and got what they had coming."
In Mumbai and other parts of India, it is illegal to kill cows because they are a sacred part of the main religion, Hindu. It is believed this is what sparked the violent uprising. More on this story as it explodes.