Paris/ Reuters - Never shy in putting themselves "First Amongst Equals", a recent self administered study indicates that French males measured up bigger than the rest of their EU mates in stiff competition for Penile bragging rights!
The self administered study of 10,500 men conducted by a German firm, The Institute of Condom Consultancy, put French penises at an average of 15.48 centimeters (6.09 inches), with the Greeks finishing CLOSElY BEHIND , 3CM shorter.
The remaining 25 member states of the EU claimed "foul", pointing out that the individual measurements were done on the "Honour" system, clearly giving the shifty French a huge advantage as ever since de Gaule, they have been known to be willing "to stretch a point."
Meanwhile, around the globe indignation quickly mounted. In south Florida the man with "the World's largest penis", and his Public Relations spokesman, identified only by his initials, BWB, debunked the claims as being too miniscule to counter. "They're not even in the same league with my man," BWB scoffed," if you go to a cock fight, don't bring a 6" ruler to a contest that requires a yard stick!" The spokesman continued the challenge, "they can come over here and lay their meat on the table....I think you'll see they'll come up at least a foot short!"
At an Obama transition team meeting the French claims also seemed to disturb the allegedly well hung President Elect as he delayed discussions about the economic crisis, the war, and picking a new First Puppy.
Obama immediately made plans for another European swing to discuss the matter. "These guys all talk allot, "he said, " but when their pants are down they never quite seem to measure up!" An Obama spokesman said that they were turning over the problem to the new chairman of "Weights and Measures", Barney Frank, to study root causes for the obvious bogus claims.
In the UK, reporters for the Guardian said the PM, Gordon Brown, "was in a blind rage and couldn't see straight!"
The wife of former PM Tony Blair said that her personal studies also indicated the results must be skewed to favor the French.
Back in France, manufacturers were busy introducing the second version of the Sarkozy Voodoo doll which came with 6 different sizes of stick on penises after the French President lost a recent court case claiming the dolls "were an indignity". His former model and international playgirl wife was heard to say that the only indignity "was to have to put up with the little Prick!"
At the Hague, efforts were underway to introduce legislation banning international cock fights, and to focus on a measure to renovate the League of Nation's Building for $1B rather than waste it on food for the starving.