A cruise liner has reported that they have been boarded by Somali pirates and that several of their passengers have been pushed into the swimming pool, had water splashed into their faces and that one fat pirate did a cannonball that nearly cleared the pool with several swimmers tsunamied back into their deck chairs.
The vicious cutthroats then made several play shuffleboard till they dropped from exhaustion. Then they forced young men and women to put on their swimsuits and lie out in the sun WITHOUT any suntan lotion!
Next the heathen rascals force-marched all passengers through the buffet lines and made them eat till they fell from their chairs.
That same night, as the pirates sat with the Captain at the Captain's Table, the passengers were forced to dance and drink alcohol and blow little horns while wearing silly hats and throwing confetti.
They then took a bounty of food and toilet paper and left.
"We are stunned", wired the Captain. "Something MUST be done with these outlaws!"