Scientists have uncovered a way in which to attract and repel planets which orbit the lesser solar system.
Professor Aimee Tracton has rigged together six hundred 1985 speak and spell electronic toys produced by Texas Instruments with a poker machine for "fair randomness". Also connected is a dumped CERN particle beam resonator.
It seems the particle resonator resonates the messages from the speak and spells to the lesser atmosphere whilst the poker machine randomises the resonator and beams it to any planet lucky enough to pick up on it.
All that is required to operate the experiment is the energy of a widowed senior citizen to push the buttons on the poker machine.
Budgie Woy R.S.L club, N.S.W Australia have installed the machine in their lobby, amid complaints that the messy setup also functions as a series unwanted trip wires due to the numerous speak and spells extension cords.
This morning a successful transmission was received by the passing planet Nibiru. The transmission received by Nburu was 'come over to my house the weather is fine, the fishing is great ,they bite all the time, Spell FISH"
It seems Nburu was enraptured by the texting and seems to be heading our way.
Professor Aimee Tracton is at a loss about what to do when the planet gets here , or where it will land. She is sending a follow up message to the planet and has senior citizens on shifts around the clock sending it.
The message reads 'Please land in the Middle East as everyone is traumatised by the never ending squabbles and boring wearing news of that area" When asked if it was time to panic, she exclaimed ,rolling her eyes 'when your numbers up, your numbers up,shouldn't complain as that never got anyone anywhere..... "Its all very high tech" she whispers.