Written by Monkey Woods
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Thursday, 20 November 2008

image for Heather Mills Rumoured To Be Captain Of Somali Pirate Ship
Captain Mills preparing to set sail

The captain of the Somali pirate ship that has taken control of the Saudi supertanker, Sirius, together with its 2million barrels of crude oil, is rumoured to be none other than Heather Mills, the ex-wife of Beatle Sir Paul McCartney.

Mills, who took Sir Paul for £20million in her divorce settlement last year, is known to have left the UK soon afterwards, and is thought to have travelled to Africa.

Once there, she hooked-up with fellow criminals, and commissioned a old tug, though this could have been mixed-up in translation, and the truth could be that "she is an old tug".

Armed with her prosthetic wooden leg, and her tongue - more dangerous than a cutlass - she put to sea last August with her crew of ne'er-do-wells and drunkards, and has been scouting the high seas ever since, in search of stray supertankers.

Mills is already the most successful pirate in history, and is now set to make a cool $25million from the ransom of the Sirius and its oil.

Thankfully, this will probably mean she will never again be seen on the UK mainland.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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