Rome - (Grateful Dead Sea Scrolls Mess): Yes, folks, it's a miracle! The Vatican said today that it was Pope 'Joe the Plumber' Ratzinger who first predicted the current market collapse in 1985.
The prophecy happened just after he had doshed up the successful hit squad that 'suicided' hapless P2 Lodge fall-guy Roberto 'God's Banker' Calvi.
The CIA and MI5 of course has always known that Pope 'Joe the Plumber' was the original hiring agent of a fetid ragbag of George W Bush's UK relatives.
These had brought about the collapse of the Vatican Bank after a series of disastrous thefts of international securities.
The Vatican's stockmarket portfolio has now shrunk to a few IOUs from Vladimir Putin and North Korea's Kim Jong Very Ill.