New South Wales - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): Sales of Lloyds Gross Man pasta ejaculation sauce have soared after a New South Wales man recommended the new Puttanesca variety as an astonishing new remedy for penile dysfunction.
Indecency charges defendant Keith Roy Weatherley told a Nobby's Beach judge that years of low libido suddenly vanished when he dipped his donger into a jar of the new recipe spoof - Australian slang for sperm.
"I'd just been reading about Italian etymology, Yer Honor," Weatherley explained, "and had this brainwave to see if a 250gm jar might do the buinesss."
Police witnesses said they had arrested Weatherley after seeing him tossing himself off on the motorway.
A number of lewd and lascivious items were found in his car including "pornography, a homemade sex aid, women's stockings and a Jack Russell terrier".
The sauce's name is derived from the Italian word 'puttanta' meaning old whore.
Weatherley was fined $7,000.