Carinthia - (Sieg Heil! Mess): Austrian Air Farce (sic) pilots are scouring the skies for a Nazi-busting UFO mothership after a Third Reich billionaire's corpse and coffin vanished mysteriously from his grave in Velden am Woertherse.
German industrialist Friedrich Karl Flick died in 2006 after lording it over a £10 billion family fortune built on the Nazis' New Slave Labour Party.
This week a whacking great big hole appeared at the family mausoleum in Velden am Woertherse Cemetery.
That orifice is now covered in inexplicable semen-like ectoplasm.
Police reports state that a pulsating tractor beam had been seen emanating from an eerie hovering mothercraft in the sky on the night of the disappearance.
Initial probes concentrated on notorious P2 Lodge free/stonemasons hired by the family who had recently erected a commemorative marble slab extolling Flick's accomplishments.
Forensic analysis however found so much inexplicable ectoplasm slimed around the gravestone erection that the alien abduction theory soon became the most plausible explanation.
Fabled Alien hunter Derrell Sims is certifiable.