Dubai/ Palm Island News - Bill Clinton made it official today, confirming what has been known for the past 8 years: He is a paid government agent for Dubai. The announcement was made at a ceremony where the former President officially accepted the gift of the QE2 from Sheik Mohammad bin Rashid Al Maktoum (Big Mac), and renounced his US Citizenship.
The moved cleared the way for failed Presidential hopeful Hillary Rodham Clinton to accept the post of Secretary of State in the new Hussein Obama cabinet and forestalled any messy investigations of the former first couple's sticky investments and anonymous funding from the United Arab Emirates.
The Queen Elizabeth 2 (QE 2), was the last of the purpose built Atlantic Greyhounds, and was recently retired and sold to Dubai for $100m. Plans are to birth her at the Palm Jumeirah finger island at "World Dubai".
Clinton aides said the regal ship would be undergoing a "user friendly Arkansas retro fit" to accommodate Clinton's Presidential library, new offices to continue receiving further Arab "Charitable Donations", and living quarters for Clinton and a stable of nubile interns.
In order to facilitate the Clinton lifestyle, Big Mac issued a Fatwa allowing public sex on board during the hours of darkness among consenting Democrat members of Congress, Lobbyists,and sex surrogates to the President.
This was a major concession for the uptight nation of masked Muslims, and a mark of respect for "The Big Mullah", as Clinton is affectionately referred to by Big Mac.
QE 2, was launched 40 years ago and during her years of service travelled 5.5M miles, hauled 2.5M passengers and completed 800 Atlantic crossings.
The 963' ship with a beam of 105', draws 32', and was capable of hitting 32.5 knots propelling her 70,000 ton mass at unprecedented speed. She is the last of the classic liners purpose built to cross the Atlantic and has mostly been replaced with behemoths designed to carry 5,000 rowdy, clothing optional, uncouth paying customers more interested in binge drinking, rock climbing, group sex, and nude limbo contests.
Hillary aides said she was relieved that her husband's actions would curtail FBI investigations into his receipt of Arab donations that have totaled into the hundred of millions of dollars, and were funneled into "charitable" causes.
To further prove her sincerity and trust worthiness, she agreed that she would be "hands off" any diplomatic negotiations or visits to any Arab countries. "In view of the sensitive nature of Arab relations, I will be assigning my Assistant Secretary of State, Jesse Jackson, to handle all Arab/Israeli negotiations in the future."
She further stated that she would be putting all her Arab funded investments in a "Blind Trust" handled by House Banking Chairman Barney "Fannie" Frank, so there would be no whiff of impropriety.