Indian Ocean - (Astrological Mess): Somali highjackers of the Liberian-registered Sirius Star oil carrier were in a tense stand off today with Chevron Oil's fabled Altair Voyager tanker near the gas-guzzling African state of Mad-a-Gas-Car.
The incident occured exactly as Hellfire Club astrologers had predicted just as the firey planet Mars began its annual transit of the constellation Sagittarius.
The Sirius Star was carrying a full payload of $100 million-worth of 2,000,000 barrels of crude bound for the United States from the Sordid Arabian oil terminal of Ras Tanura.
The Somali pirates boarded the massive tanker and took its 25 man crew hostage.
But they hadn't reckoned on the Altair Voyager's taser-armed security guards storming the luckless Liberian vessel after picking up a distress signal 500 miles off the coast of Mad-a-gas-car.
A Star Wars-style light-sabre dogfight saw all 100 Somali highjackers felled before being trussed up in the tanker's hold.
The USS Nimitz and the USS Harry S Truman are on their way to the highjack scene.