According to latest reports from the land down-under, police and local bush men are in the process of scouring the scrub in search of Beyonce's booty.
Beyonce had decided to take a sabbatical and camp out with Jay-Z after a hard days filming as Nicole Kidmans stunt woman in the forthcoming epic...'Australialia'. Our police source tells us 'Ah yeh, it was terrible ya know? We picked up this Sheila in a terrible state. She was crying, and she had streaks all down her face...her make up was damn awful'
Although early reports are sketchy, from what we gathered from the police, Jay-Z and Beyonce had been camping out under the stars, when suddenly, Beyonce began screaming. Jay-Z told the police..'YO, it was damned awful man! This Dingo dog had a hold of my gals booty, it was growling and shaking it so that it kinda started making a noise! Man, I'm telling yo, that booty had a voice!'
Beyonce's booty, unbelievably, detached itself from Beyonce's pelvis, and bounced off into the bush with the dingo in hot pursuit.....Jay-Z said 'Man, it was just talking, or screeching....my gurls beautiful big booty bounced away, into that Bush with this dingo dog in hot pursuit saying something like 'uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, a na-na...' I was froze, there was nuttin I could do man!'
As the police were searching for Beyonce's booty, they came to an Aboriginal area with a small tribe. 'It was amazing, we knew we were hot on the trail' said the police man '....this tribe were dancing around this termite mound...they had sculpted it and we noticed immediately that it resembled a huge brown booty....what gave it away for us was that along with the didgeredoo and the drums, the tribe were chanting 'uh-oh-uh-oh, uh-oh, a na-na'.'
The tribe elder told police that they had seen a beautiful bottom being chased by a Dingo the previous evening..'This has been foretold' said the Elder. 'As you can see our ancestral paintings show a dingo, and a female posterior, under a moon with stars....according to our legend, the posterior when finally caught, will through its orifice, swallow the Dingo, and the Dingo will have a voice! Our people will be free, we will be so happy, it is a miracle!'.
Beyonce's booty was last seen 'uh-oh, uh-oh a na-na-ing' towards Perth.
Eddy Dubois reporting for The Spoof.