Written by Chuck Barber
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Topics: Scientists, fossil

Tuesday, 8 June 2004

image for Gonad Grease - New Lubricant To Replace Oil
After A Good Workout These Men Produce Enough Gonad Grease To Shutdown The Refinery

Scientists in Finland have discovered that grease from human male gonads can be used to replace fossil fuel based oil as a lubricant.

Scientists and politicians worried about "peak oil" - the point where oil production peaks and the declining production leaves the world with less and less oil, and more and more persons fighting over the shrinking supply - have long fretted over how to replace the finite supply.

As many have suggested solar and wind power are alternatives, yet solar and wind power
cannot replace the lubricant properties of oil. "You cannot oil machines with sunlight. Wind will not lubricate the solar powered truck which delivers food to your supermarket." Professor Herkl Sandnoz of the Finnish Institute of Energy (FIE) has worked on the problem of replacing the lubricant properties of oil for decades. "It is a much larger problem than most people think. Oil moves the world and without it friction rules."

Gonad grease is but one of the options FIE is working with. Dr. Sandnoz again, "whales are out. Whale oil works, but no . . . that time will never come again. Fish oil could work, certain vegetable oils work. But the best - the most reliably producible - is gonad grease. We all produce it, men at least, and we do not want it. Why not use it to lubricate your car?"

Professor Sandnoz and his colleagues may be ahead of the curve with gonad grease but most persons questioned said they would hesitate to use a natural grease from the human body. "That attitude must be overcome," acknowledged Sandnoz. "But I fear we have few options. For some of us it will prove to be gonad grease or walk."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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