Written by P.M. Wortham
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Topics: NASA, Cocaine, Mars Rover

Monday, 17 November 2008

image for Cocaine Found on Mars
The Mars Polar Caps Are a Little Snowy After All

While the NASA funded Mars Rover continues to send back landscape pictures and topographical maps of its pre-programmed search area, Rover number one nicknamed "Spirit", accidentally stumbled into a large crater filled with fine tan colored powder. Estimated at millions of metric tons under Earth's normal gravity, the crater's powder was chemically analyzed and found to be a pure form of benzoylmethyl ecgonine, or a common street drug known as "cocaine".

Baffling biologists, botanists and baked astronauts alike, the drug normally harvested from the Coca plant and processed into powder was found in a place where no plant life exists. NASA's lead bio-chemical engineer, Havii Snorten commented, "We're stumped. In fact a bunch of us tripped on acid to see if we could determine some alternative way the powder could have been left there, but no luck. It just can't be a natural occurrence."

Plausible explanations were sought from leading research facilities and Universities around the world, while NASA continued to summarize the still incoming data from Mars. The most possible explanations include Mars being a once "thriving eco-system with Coca trees pervasive in that one location". The second explanation comes from Amsterdam, suggesting that Mars was a "party stop for galactic travelers on their way to Earth, looking for a way to hide their stash from the intergalactic pigs".

Regardless of the source, the discovery is prompting NASA to fund a manned mission to Mars with the complete backing of both the House of Representatives and Senate. In a related story, job applications to NASA have quadrupled since the announcement with numerous Hollywood actors volunteering for an astronaut role. "I got to get me some of that Mars Mojo" says actor Gary Busey. "Sign this boy UP!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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