Cybrary City, Lalaland - Two avatars in the virtual online cyber game Second Life have divorced after one of them discovered the real life creator of the second one having an affair with another real person.
Avatar Gettalife Quandry met and fell in love with her avatar husband ePredator Sporg in Cybrary City two years ago.
"He was so attractive, not plastic at all, when I first saw him," said Ms Quandry, an avatar librarian. "He came into the library and asked for cyber books on human reproduction."
"Yes, it was love at first pixal," agreed Mr Sporg, a lab technician avatar at a virtual sperm bank in Cybrary City. "I've never had a virtual relationship before, but Gettalife was just so sexy sitting there at the reference desk and looking like Sarah Palin."
"We didn't rush into anything," said the sensible Ms Quandry. "I think it was close to 200 log-ons before I even let him kiss me."
"Yeah, but once we got started, there was no stopping her," boasted an animated Sporg. "I guess it's true what they say about avatar librarians. Hot stuff."
Ms Gettalife Quandry explained that they virtually moved in together, and after several hundred more log-ons they decided to get married in a lavish Second Life wedding ceremony.
"It was so beautiful, all my avatar and virtual friends and family came to the wedding. My real life creator, human librarian Prunella Brown from Cedar Rapids, Iowa just cried and cried. I tried throwing her the bouquet but it just bounced back off the monitor screen."
Mr Sporg added that the couple honeymooned at Half Moon eBay. "It was a bit difficult getting it up to top broadband performance knowing we were being watched by our voyeuristic human creators in our honeymoon suite," admitted Mr ePredator Sporg.
"But then we got the idea that if they were watching us, we could have our own virtual reality and watch them."
"That's where the trouble started," explained Gettalife Quandry. "My human creator, Prunella Brown, was fine. She just lived with her mother, went to work at the library in Cedar Rapids, ate lots of sweets, and locked herself in her room until the wee hours playing Second Life."
"But then we discovered that ePredator's human creator was totally different," said a dejected Gettalife. "We discovered he watched us on a split screen and was also logged on to The World Of Warcraft at the same time."
"That's when I got suspicious," said Ms Gettalife Quandry, her brown eyes changing to green with a click of the mouse.
"ePredator's human ego, Worm McAfee never chatted with Prunella Brown even once here in Second Life. But we hacked into the fiber optics cable, and found he chatted with a human woman playing World Of Witchcraft all the time."
Ms Quandry, so visibly upset that her image started to blur, continued, "So I got Prunella to hire a private detective to follow that Worm. He spotted them together in the overnight queue at Wallmart waiting for the World Of Warcraft: Wrath Of The Lich King new release."
Mr ePredator Sporg interjected, "We knew something was up when they left the queue together at 4 A.M. No serious gamester would do that knowing the game would be sold out within the first 20 minutes of the store opening at 9 o'clock."
"That's when I got a live feed of CCTV footage showing ePredator's creator, Worm McAfee having raunchy sex with this woman in a blind alley," shared a shocked Gettalife Quandry.
"I virtually felt like I was watching ePredator having sex with that other woman. I know in my mind it was not happening here in Second Life, but still, how do you separate out an alter-ego from an ego? We've shared over 18,000 voyeuristic log-ons with this adulterous freak."
A dejected ePredator added, "Getta hasn't let me touch her since then. That was 5,000 hits ago. She can't just delete it from her memory. I didn't have sex with that WOW woman; it was that Worm. Why is she punishing me?"
"It's over," declared a bitter Ms Quandry. "ePredator cheated on me and I had to watch it all. His sleazy human creator is as much an extension of himself as his penis as far as I'm concerned."
"Which takes us to the risk of viruses. I just don't trust that Worm McAfee."
Avatar Judge JUD-E in Cybrary City has ruled in favor of granting Ms Gettalife Quandry's divorce petition, and the unhappy couple is now bitterly dividing up their virtual property.
"She can have the house, it was virtually just a money-pit anyway," conceded avatar ePredator Sporg. "But I'm keeping my avatar porno collection. It looks like I'll be spending a lot of 'me' time from now on here in cyberspace."