Written by IainB
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Thursday, 13 November 2008

image for EU to allow wonky veg
The apple on the right will soon be legal again

To give Neil Kinnock his due, he has worked tirelessly on behalf of British farmers for the past twenty years to overturn the EU directive that disallows the sale of knobbly carrots and bent cucumbers.

Since the introduction of EU Directive 1677/88, any carrot that is not identical to that drawn by a four year old, and any cucumber that cannot lie parallel to its comrades have been thrown onto a large pile. The EU may have once had a potato mountain, but it now has the world's largest compost heap.

The smell of the rotting, misshapen fruit and vegetables that sits just outside Brussels has been described as awful by one Brit, disgusting by one German and piquant by one Frenchman. With the wind blowing the stench from the heap straight into Kinnock's office window, he decided enough was enough and has campaigned tirelessly to remove the source of the problem.

One benefactor of the return to misshapen veg is the BBC. They will be returning That's Life! to the small screen in the near future as the anticipated phallic shaped parsnips return to the shops to be sent in by eagle eyed viewers. The EU Directive was directly blamed for the death of this popular programme.

Shoppers were not too impressed. "I've only just bought a Betaware Cucumber Holder," said one disgruntled shopper, "How am I going to fit an oddly-shaped cucumber in that?"

Others are not to keen on the idea on eating bifurcated carrots and lumpy strawberries. Although the Spanish are said to be keen on bollock shaped radishes, as a "vegetarian option".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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