Written by winston_smith
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Wednesday, 12 November 2008

image for Big North Pole Layoff
Bye Bye Elves says Big Guy

North Pole- Claus Corporation, aka Santa Claus LTD, has drastically reduced it's workforce right during the prime producing season. The bar rooms and taverns here are loaded with elves and reindeer as the region is reeling with the recent announcements of layoffs.

"Claus Corporation, in order to survive this world wide economic crisis and to better position ourselves in the global market, has enacted strict cost cutting measures, including layoffs., said spokeself Donny.

"These are tough times that call for tough measures. With the advent of toys being made in other countries, that don't follow the standards of quality expected here at Claus Corp, a market is flooded with cheap knock offs. Labor issues have been uncompromising in a go-round to this market dumping."

When asked to cite an example of the conflict: "Specifically labor and quality issues. The elves union have positioned themselves as demanding and uncompromising in their collective bargaining agreement. Claus Corp has asked for cross training and the introduction of machinery to the work flow. The elves are set in their ways. If an elf makes a drum, he or she will always make the drum, they will not make the truck or the doll or EZ bake oven. When we tried to introduce a conveyor to load Santa's bag, they'd insist on hand loading. This is a time consuming and ineffectual utilization of the workforce."

"That's reindeer shit, excuse me Blitzen," said elf union steward Biffy, as he and reindeer Blitzen sat in "Pull the Beard Pub". "We approached the Ol' man (Santa Claus), about modernizing the work flow years and years ago. He'd 'ho ho ho' us and that was the end of it. Then he brings in these efficiency experts, 'lean management team', some friggin Japanese zen crap,and they've taken over. We said, "We're elves fer chrissakes, what do I know about team exercise, yoga meets, and that oriental shit? We sing our little songs and go to work."

Blitzen, shook his antlers and agreed, "Time was I looked forward to pulling the old man and his sleigh, humph, thought he liked it, tradition and all. I get the pink slip today, he's gonna do it on a skidoo this year…yeah right."

The fall out should be fully felt come Christmas Day, under the tree.

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus, but he's gone corporate.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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