Vatican - (Holy Shit! Mess): The BBC's shambolic Russell Brand slag-shagging shame fiasco took a new twist this weekend with the Vatican urging an immediate exorcism of Georgina 'Satanic Sluts' Baillie.
Pope Joe 'The Plumber' Ratzinger apparently phoned local London NW3 Opus Dei witchfinder-general Fr Gerard Sheehan and told him to 'squeeze the filthy demons' out of godless burlesque stripper Ms Voluptua.
"The devil is like a dirty great big zit," the Pontiff told his North London lackey.
"Unless you lance the boil on this sad slag's soul the demon infection will spread, like ...er... Last Tango in Paris! butter. All over Christendom."
Fr Sheehan is a well-known Bell, Book & Candle aficionado and a dead-ringer for notorious Nazi quack Joseph Mengele.
Jonathan Ross is 69.