Written by Zoltan Peppa
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Thursday, 6 November 2008

image for President Barak Obama declares war on Scotland and John McCain changes his surname to Kennedy just in case.
Scottish oil baron Jocky Crotch fears for his business

In an unbelievable amount of time, Barak Obama made his first major decision as President. Totally ignoring the fact that he is not sworn in until January 20th. Declared war on Scotland and gave the Nation 48 hours to surrender or face the wrath of his army.

Outlining his reasons for such a move was: He had to keep with 'The Corporation's agenda' for imperialism but with a 'green' twist; Scotland is thought to be the closest smallest country with oil, therefore the plans are, Scotland's surrender and just take its oil, or enter into a long drawn out conflict and offer medical supplies for oil and single malt; Plus all Scottish Nationals living in the US would be interned into POW camps until the matter is resolved.

Also Obama is said to fancy owning Scotland's Black Watch tartan. He thinks it would be more suited to him.

England, who you would think will Scotland's aid, is rumoured to be thinking of not getting too involved. As Gordon Brown was last seen hiding under a table at 10 Downing Street shitting himself.

Alex Salmond Scottish National Party (SNP) leader is thought to be up for a scrap. After working flat out in his office for the past day. Called an emergency meeting at the Scottish Parliament gave a Braveheart type speech about proving Scotland is capable of standing on her own two feet. This was met with rather blank looks as Scotland's best troops are currently in Afghanistan fighting the Taliban. Salmond did go on to say the conscription was an option, stating. 'Anybody with a Scottish surname needs to come home and do their duty'.

Scotsman George Galloway MP had this to say on the matter, 'I admire Alex Salmond's indefatigability but unless Obama has a change of heart, Scotland is buggered'.

Billy Connolly world famous Scottish comedian who resides in the US said on the events, 'FUCK OFF'

Mr. Miguel d'Escoto Brockmann UN president said, 'we are doing our very best to prevent conflict, I'm dead against bloodshed and will be offering a proposal on Scotland's behalf to President Obama. Which basically means Scotland becoming the 51st State of America.

It's thought that not many Scottish refugees are expected to cross into England, because thousands come to England each year searching for a better life anyway.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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