Washington, DC - In a historically precedented move, President Bush created the office of 'High Chancellor' and appointed Senator McCain to the position.
The High Chancellor will function as the head of the Department of Homeland Security and the Armed Forces, and will be allowed to appoint his own advisors. The office of President, to which most of these duties were formerly assigned, will become a largely ceremonial post. Dick Cheney has volunteered to serve as the Chief Advisor to the High Chancellor.
Bush's press secretary, Dana Perino, released the following statement:
"We decided the time was right to follow in Russia's footsteps by reallocating the presidential powers to a position immune to variables like voting and elections. We trust that most Americans are so swept up in Obama's historic victory that they're not really paying attention."
There is no term limit on the office of High Chancellor, and the Chief Advisor is allowed to choose a new High Chancellor in the event of death or retirement.
Joe Plummer, like most Americans, was largely unmoved by this announcement. "Well, McCain may not get to be President, but at least he'll still have a job."