The new President of the United States has been announced ahead of the final results. In a surprise victory, Oprah Winfrey has been elected as president ahead of Barak Obama and John McCain.
Although many are said to be quite surprised, some political commentators have actually not been the least bit surprised with the results.
Ed Thick, chief commentator from CBS News who knows absolutely nothing about politics, welcomed the results. He was said to be comfortable with the outcome, although the politically correct brigade were a little bit dubious about him describing Miss Winfrey as the "campaign's dark horse".
It is understood that Miss Winfrey is engaging the services of Jerry Springer as her new Vice President, and it is understood that Mr Springer is away in Hawaii writing a musical entitle "Jerry Springer the VP".
Jonathan Ross has already left messages of support - he shouted the words 'truss' and 'codpiece' - on the new president's ansafone, as well as on the president's new ansafone.