Written by Clifford Rutley
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Topics: Aliens, Abduction

Sunday, 2 November 2008

image for Alien Abduction Victims Report Face Sitting Torture
Oh Yeah! You're Mine Human!!

New research has come out of NASA confirming a puzzling new phenomenon known as Close Encounters of the 69th Kind. This involves being abducted by creatures from other worlds and having them strap you down to their gloop covered organic like tables by some sort of force beam straps around your forehead, wrists and ankles. Then, multiple sized extra terrestrials begin to start taking turns at planting their green poo holes on your face.

'This is a worrying new trend,' a top professor told us. 'If all the aliens seem to want to do is degrade people in this manner, then I have no hopes for a glorious new future for us in the interstellar community. It seems to me that humanity is nothing more than some sort of sick joke to all of these other forms of interstellar life - especially if all they want to do to us is strap us down and sit on our faces.'

Another important sounding man with big important looking framed certificates hung up all over his office walls had another view on the matter. 'I expect that these abduction victims are merely sad lonely or insecure people who are simply looking for attention by telling us all of their weirdest fantasies in some sort of alien abduction story - so we feel sorry for them instead of disgusted.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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