Written by matwil
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Friday, 31 October 2008

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The axis of ice

As Icelandic banks crashed, throwing world stock markets into disarray, Hollywood actress Sharon Stone claimed she had been right all along.

'Told ya, didn't I?', she said, 'if ya go around stealing money from savers and fiddlin' the books, bad karma's gonna hit ya. But did anyone believe me when that quake hit Iceland a few months ago? No way, Geer Haarde!'

Miss Stone, who also blamed China's massive earthquake on bad human rights, added: 'You've gotta listen to me now, and throw them economical books in the trash can, Shazzanomics is here to stay!' Analysts in Wall Street, London and Tokyo didn't agree with the actress, and some were even saying that she had about as much understanding of world financial affairs as George W Bush, but others were even more insulting.

Senator John McNobrain said: 'Sharon sure ain't right - and you thought a Republican politician blaming big business for financial mistakes is weird!' And another Presidential candidate, Senator Baracas Mahatma added: 'What we have, and what I know America needs, is another lawyer never getting to the point, though - and at least Miss Stone got straight to the point in a few sentences - Icelandic resources are a matter for the Scandinavian authorities. Although our thoughts are with the Icelandic corporations, our ....', and as many reporters fell asleep at this, Miss Stone sent another message from her gun factory in California:

'You know, in all the excitement I kinda forgot how many cheap shots I fired in the American media - was it 5 or was it 6? So you gotta ask yourselves, punks, do ya feel 'lucky, lucky, lucky', and at that she spontaneously broke into a Kylie Minogue song, dressed in a Viking helmet while tapdancing and juggling 3 chicken chow meins behind her back. At this, Wall Street felt relieved that Miss Stone was as always to be taken seriously, and was correct in her politico-economic analysis. Options in fried ice were up significantly at this, but futures for cod and carp were holding steady against strong worldwide currents.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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