Written by Aspartame Boy
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Wednesday, 29 October 2008

image for Aspartame to Tame World Population Explosion
Mommy, don't forget the aspartame, please mommy, I'm shaking.

EARTH, Solar System - It is reported from many reliable sources on this planet, and others, that the planet Earth is quite crowded. In fact, all the good spots are taken, and taken again, and taken again, and taken again.. in wars.

Earthlings have soiled the atmosphere; thus they have spoiled the living-room view from other planets. Galactic real estate values are beginning to be run down by Earth's shabby and overcrowded appearance.

Tisk tisk. Can't have that now, can we? Solar UFO traffic count is starting to go down due to the blight. Sit down. Take a deep breath. Aliens have landed here for many years. They have been in secret negotiations with Earth's governments in a joint effort to reduce Earth's excess population.

Enter aspartame. Aspartame is a true gift from aliens. A sweet toxin that tastes so good, vast multitudes line up to pay for it. Despite well documented health hazards, people once hooked on it will not quit. Since it breaks down into methanol, the addiction is physical; the damage cumulative.

The aliens have tried other measures in the past, such as poison gas. It was too brutal and caused people to rebel.

So, aspartame will prove to be a major component of the Solution going forward.. along with other measures that are classified.

But for now, the population explosion will be tamed.. by aspartame. [LDLo ~ 1400 mg]

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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