Written by Chuck Barber
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Topics: Earth, Pentagon

Friday, 4 June 2004

The man American Theater Commander General Tommy Franks called the "F---ing stupidest guy on the face of the Earth," Douglas Feith, the former Under Secretary of Defense for Policy, has resigned his position at the Pentagon to open pork barbeque stands in Baghdad.

Hoping to catch the wave of rising Iraqi prosperity Feith plans to franchise the restaurants and see them spread over Iraq and the Middle East. Operating under the name, Doug's Pork Barbeque, the restaurant will be located just off the Main Market near the Tigris River.

"This is the cradle of civilization," Feith said when asked why Iraq. "Why not make it the cradle of Doug's Pork Barbeque? I can be the Ray Kroc of the Middle East." Feith referred to the man who turned McDonalds from a small restaurant into the multinational, multibillion dollar corporation it is today.

Feith waved aside questions about the Islamic ban on eating pork, "Naw, them's Jews you're talking about."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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