Written by Unconfirmed Source
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Topics: Marriage, Hell

Friday, 4 June 2004

image for Legal Gay Marriages Break The 4th Seal: Apocalypse Nears!
Seal Monitoring Station

Unconfirmed Sources report that the 4th Seal of Hell has been broken. The failure of the 4th Seal, the Pale Horse, coincided with the legalization of Gay Marriage in Massachusetts. Religious leaders from around the globe have gathered at the Seal Monitoring Station to discuss the situation.

The Seal Monitoring Station, which is located in the Our Lady of Boundless Mercy and Blessings Church of Rock Falls Alabama, first detected changes in the 4th Seal late on the evening of May 16th. Technicians at the station continued to monitor the seal until they lost signal at exactly 12:00.01 am on the morning of the 17 of May.

Sister Mary Magdalena, head of the station explained the situation to the assembled media.

"It was about 8 pm on the 16 of May when we first detected a problem. Or sensors on the seal began to give readings out side of there normal ranges. We examined the data and just couldn't believe the the 4th Seal was in danger .

The other remaining seals 5, 6, and 7 were normal so we decided to check the system and re calibrate. After double checking the system we confirmed the seal was under going some sort of change.

At the time we just couldn't believe the 4th Seal was failing. I wish we had reacted faster. We doubted our system and did not have trust in its performance. Once we determined the seal was truly failing we alerted the Seal Protection system and people began to pray for the seals restoration, but we were too late."

Later examination of the data confirmed that the failure was caused by the legalization of gay marriage in Massachusetts, which took effect at the exact moment the seal failed.

"This presents a serious threat to the world as we know it." confirmed John Ashcroft, who is a devote Christian as well as the Attorney General of the US. "This only leaves three seals between us and the apocalypse, which I personally would welcome, except for the threat it would pose the security of America."

Buckler Lederf managing director of the Heritage
Center for Healthy Heterogamous Families agrees "This
open display of joyful human emotion by gays and
lesbians is abhorrent, unnatural and we just can't risk the breaking of the remaining seals. This out break of human
rights is putting us all a risk." Mr. Lederf goes on to explain how his group is leading the fight against interracial marriages, interfaith marriages, Blacks, Arabs, Jews, Greeks, Italians and gays in general.

The sisters at Our Lady of Boundless Mercy and Blessings Church of Rock Falls Alabama are continuing to monitor the other seals and have not detected any changes so far

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