Honolulu,Hawaii/ Mercy Hospital Archives - With less than 2 weeks to the Presidential Election, documents found in a musty corner of the local hospital purport that Ann Dunham, one of Barack Hussein Obama Sr.'s , wives, gave birth to triplets, named Barack I, II, III.
The current Presidential candidate, Barack Hussein Obama II, is now apparently accounted for, but the mystery remains where are Barack I and III?
Genealogists researching the Obama family have also reportedly found an attending nurse at the multiple births. Now living in a remote village in Honolulu, the woman requested to remain anonymous, but employment records at the hospital verified that she did indeed work in the birthing room at the time of the Obamas deliveries.
"They were so cute," the nurse remembered," but we felt sorry for them because when the father first saw them he screamed "WTF", and abandoned them all on the spot!"
History reports that soon after, the triplet's mother remarried, and moved to Indonesia where the Baracks all attended public school in Jarkarta. Teachers there said you couldn't tell them apart except for the number of diamond studs in their ear lobe, either 1,2 or 3,.
Apparently the trio also liked to confuse their teachers as each had 3 piercings done and were known to add and subtract the identifying studs at will causing wild confusion, especially in Economics Class where none of them could understand the theory of "paying your own way."
Strangely, when the former Mrs. Barack Hussein Obama,Sr. returned to Hawaii, only Obama II accompanied her. She remained vague when asked about her other two sons, saying only they were "traveling" or "pursuing further study in religion and politics with a close personal Mullah."
Answering an FBI inquiry earlier in his fledgling political career in sleazy Chicago Politics, Obama II produced a wrinkled duplicate of a birth certificate, but it did not specify which of the triplets he was. Not knowing 3 Baracks existed, the field officer let the issue slide.
Now it appears the CIA counter intelligence arm is on RED alert tracking down rumours on the two missing Baracks. Apparently they are as adroit as their footloose father in covering their tracks. Sightings and cell phone records have been traced to Saudi Arabia, Dubai, Syria, Pakistan, Venezuela, North Korea, and even to Iceland. Banking officials have also got the whiff of extensive off shore accounts with regular large monthly withdrawals.
Of more immediate concern, not yet made public due to censorship imparted by Howard Dean, DNC chairman, and Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House, WHICH BARACK IS RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT?
In Switzerland a bizarre murder investigation is underway looking into the death of a world famous trans-gender surgeon after completing a sex change operation and reverse lyposuction transformation on a patient only identified as being half African. Officials at the clinic where the operations were performed only remember flowers being delivered to the mysterious patient under the name of "Michelle", but assume that was a pseudonym.
Meanwhile, back in the states, Michelle Obama has had trouble getting a pass port to facilitate her husband's triumphant world Presidential tour sometime in January. She claims the inablility of Home Land Security and the FBI to find ANY documented history that she even exists as "racist", a charge backed by Reverends Jesse jackson and Al Sharpton, who are still searching for their own soul.
And the third Barack? Republicans aren't saying yet, but claim there will be a big surprise coming for the DEMS in the next week. Insiders say Barack I has been held in Qantanimo for two years as an enemy combatant and has completed an entire history of the curious rise to power of the multi-faceted Obama Family.
HBO says it has already purchased the rights and it will make "The Sorpranos" and "Rome" look like a Disney Production. Stay Tuned for " The Obominations"