RED LIGHT DISTRICT, Amsterdam - McDonalds Corporation Holland today announced a fresh approach to its establishment menus that will take the slogan, "I'm lovin' it" rather more literally.
McDonalds representative Ronald de Boer divulged that the new ‘McSex' ® menu, which will take effect next month, includes two significant alterations both of which will "revolutionise fast-food and cheap sex as we know it."
For women, McDonalds menus will now include the option of "Guys with your Fries" ® for a small additional charge. It is not yet clear just how many guys you can get with your fries, but it is assumed that one guy per "fry" is the absolute limit.
For men, a new meal combo will feature dubbed "The McFee-meal" ®, a cunning pun on ‘female' and ‘meal' devised after years' research, and will be situated next to the Happy Meal menu. De Boer assured reporters that customers will have "unrivalled" creative control over prostitute customisation, from selecting hair colour, weight, and size (in all of its departments), right down to style of pubic hair, including the ‘landing strip' and the much-coveted ‘double-twist McShist'.
For those still undecided, reports suggest "The Mc-She-Meal" ® is in development, and could see its introduction later this year, just in time for Christmas.
The innovative menu, if successful, will be duplicated in other countries the world over, with Russia and Latvia said to be already gearing up for the appropriate advertising campaigns. The McDonalds slogan, so important in selling its produce to the mass market, will reportedly be altered to read, "Mmm, yeah, mmm, yeah… oh yeah… oh yeah - I'm lovin' it", with its alternative mooted to be the seemingly innocent, "Don't talk with your mouth full."