Atlantic Ocean - (Extraterrestrial Mess): A low-flying UFO that dive-bombed Sir Richard Brantub's ocean-going Virgin Moneylender yacht was blamed today for the collapse of yet another transatlantic record bid.
The craft was spotted tailing the 99 foot vessel soon after it left New York harbor and caused mayhem below deck where the 69 year old's family sat hunched with stupefication.
"At one stage I could see the craft's a low-emission tractor beam literally whipping up one hundred foot waves ahead of us," Brantub moaned via satellite phone today.
"It's as if some heinous alien force was conspiring to scupper my new attempts to rewrite the hystery books on this one," Brantub added.
Meanwhile Chevron's Altair Voyager oil tanker glided past smoothly and serenely, completely unfazed by all the ET hysteria.