Kingston, Jamaica - (X-Files Mess): A massive 1,000 metre mothership was reported hovering over the golden shoreline of Coral Spring beach moments before 911 tonnes of high-grade tourist-ready sand vanished.
Police sources in the island's northern parish of Trelawny are said to be probing the sighting after failing to make a single human arrest since the sand's dissapearance in July.
The Hubble Telescope has since reported what may be the 400 metre, 0.5-hectare strand on the dark side of the Moon in an area notorious for harboring alien abduction craft.
Jamaican Prime Monster Bruce Golding, 69, said today "I bet those ET bastards nicked it," before phoning NASA to demand an immediate rescue shuttle to recover the missing beach.
Meanwhile Jamaica's official opposition People's National Party has said there has been a drug-related cover-up:
"We blame the Montego Bay Thunderfuck Weed," a spokesman said today.