Moscow - Those who have been concerned what Vladimir Putin would do once he steps down from politics can now sleep easy. Putin has revealed that he is a world champion black belt level fartistnik. Starting in November he plans a world tour under the stage name 50 Rouble.
Putin has years of experience holding his bowels and sphincter under control at countless Politburo meetings and International summits and has built up enormous powers to contain huge pressures and release them at will. He has even joked "the Red Army may be able to cut back on some ICBM's if I bend over with my ass facing in the direction of North Dakota."
Combined with his musical training with his brothers Barry, Maurice and Metro in the popular Russian pop act, the KGB's, Putin now has the time and confidence to go solo.
Unlike most fartistniks who play in a low register Putin's specialty is a surprising falsetto vibratto.
His playlist includes popular standards such as Who Stole the Kyshka, Your Cabbage is in my Borscht and Barney Rouble is not my Banker as well as the current International hit Petrodollars are Coming out of my Ass.
In order to appeal to a broader audience Putin has started to include a few rap numbers in his acts, the most popular being the cheerful Red Rover, Red Rover, Maria Sharipova Come Over as well as the somewhat darker Tanks!Tanks!Tanks!
Now comfortable fist pumping on stage, he says that his days as a politician are far behind him.
"Yo!Yo!Yo!, Rootin' Tootin' Putin does a mean Rasputin."