The resting place of Palestinian 'funny-man' Yasser Arafat, was swamped with billions of fan letters destined for his twin brother Ringo Starr today.
Ringo Starr told fans to "go forth and multiply with a spiky rusty iron rod", in a shocking internet announcement. This has caused "people" to start panic fan-mail writing.
Fan/s have been sending all kinds of shit to Mr Starr in the last ten hours. One lady sent her husband, a side of beef and own right leg by special delivery to Mr Starr's Surrey address. Another fan sent the tiny African Republic of Quasi-lasiland.
'Respected' TV Psychologist Dr Gary Glitter said "The effect is the same, when the media announce there is a picket at an oil refinery, people 'start panic buying' petrol. In this instance people have panicked fan-letter writing. I myself have written two dozen letters professing my love for Ringo, fuck knows why. Anyhooo I ended up sending all my missives, to his deceased Palestinian conjoined twin Yasser", he looks the sexier of the two.
Yasser Arafat said yesterday " I thank the fans for sending me all my brother's mail, but my eyes are no longer functioning, therefore I will not be able to answer many of the letters, but thank you all the same".
He also blasted his brother Ringo, for not dedicating his entire life to complete strangers. He ranted "My favourite Beatle drummer was always Pete Best. What the public also do not know is, I am a more accomplished drummer than my brother Ringo, but I gave it up to be a Palestinian leader, while he stayed in Liverpool shagging people like Cila and Joey Boswell from the eighties TV show Bread. Peace and Love folks".
There has been speculation that Ringo made the announcement due to the ' vast' number of his autographs, that turn up on that internet site (starts with 'E' and ends with Bay).
This reporter checked the 'vast' amount of 'signed' items available in UK and U.S..... eight objects were found. These included a signed cod-piece, a signed photo of Ringo signing autographs and a signed photograph of Ringo refusing to sign autographs..
Anything or any objects sent to
90 Jermyn Street
after the 20th October will be re-directed to
Somewhere in Palestine