Written by Fergus McCarthy
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Topics: Bees, Honey

Saturday, 3 January 2009

image for 'Home brand' honey produced by battery farm bees claim animal rights activists.

Animal rights activists are planning a series of protests against a number of major supermarket chains after accusations of 'Entemological exploitation' surfaced on the internet.

Dave Blinker, Spokesman for 'Friends not Food' believes that the protests will finally bring the plight of honey farm battery bees to the attention of the average shopper.

"We have photographic and videotaped evidence that these bees are being housed in cramped and overcrowded conditions in industrialized hives sometimes numbering as many as several thousand inhabitants."

Mr Blinker compared 'Value honey' farms to 3rd world sweat shops and accused the retail giants of turning a blind eye to the commercialized prostitution of the colonies matriarch and leader, the Queen.

"Worker bees can visit up to 800 flowers a day returning to the hive after a 12 hour shift carrying loads equal to 75% of its own body weight. The cheaper the supermarket sells the honey, the harder the bee has to work.

"Queen bees are initially forced to mate with up to 20 males before being imprisoned in a chamber deep within the hive, their sole purpose in life being the production of more and more slave labor for greedy corporations."

'Friends not Food' are demanding 8 hour working days for the bees and a minimum ceiling height within the hive of 12mm instead of the industry standard 8mm.

A supermarket spokesperson today refuted the allegations of 'Bee abuse' and claimed that their own brand honey bees are amongst the happiest in the world.

"Sure you only have to look at the little fuckers! Eating Royal Jelly and dancing in the hive when they get back from a trip, they don't look unhappy to me.

"Most of the time they're buzzin"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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