Written by P.M. Wortham
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Monday, 13 October 2008

image for Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson Trigger Celestial Event

In an unprecedented an historic celestial event, the Earth stopped rotation on its axis for three tenths of one second after midnight last night. Seismic alarms were triggered across the globe as the stoppage in rotation caused an immediate shift in all oceans and active lava pools beneath the Earth's crust.

Scientists scrambled to grasp the potential ramifications of such a rotational stoppage, but realized that when the globe continued its regular movement, liquids and other forms of viscous materials like lava settled down quickly.

It was the theory of a patent clerk in Switzerland that captured worldwide attention the following morning. Alfred E. Newman, amateur physicist and American political buff, had noticed that it had been months since Al Sharpton or Jesse Jackson had captured any press attention.

"With Barack Obama now a real threat for one of the most powerful political seats in the world, their whining, in fact their entire existence becomes irrelevant." Newman says. "I think the entire world finally realized at the same moment when these two media whores were out of the picture, the world stopped for one brief shining moment. It was Earth's way of taking a breath and saying Thank You."

Another political analyst commented, "It's a good theory. Think of the reduction in microwave, broadband, and other types of transmitted radio waves that are no longer peppering the globe. Obama is a great melting pot, multi-racial, self-made story, and he can actually speak English."

In a related story, all global residents found small splashes of toilet water just to the right of the bowl this morning. Those that made a regular habit of flushing were happier.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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