Zastava, Yugoslavia/Daily Worker Saying he is a "Man of the People", President by Acclimation Barack Hussein Obama , announced today he has commissioned a new Presidential Limousine to replace the gas guzzling, ostentatious ride of former US leaders.
Based on the platform of the 1985 Yugo Limo, TV's popular show "Pimp my Ride" has undertaken the transformation of a rust laden hulk found near the bombed out site of the original Yugo factory in Zastava.
Obama said he wants to set an example for other world leaders, and politicians in general, to show financial restraint and bond with the masses during this time of economic hardship.
Critics said Obama's choice was a perfect tribute to his imminent accention to the Presidency. Automobile reviews from 1985 called the Yugo "unsafe, unreliable,ugly, lethargic and nothing ever went right" after people "bought it".
Fox news has learned, after securing declassified documents, that the Bosnia conflict was caused by unprecedented complaints from Yugo owners seeking retaliation for the exportation of the" automotive terror machine". The consumer campaign finally ended with the 1999 bombing of the Zastava manufacturing plant when victory was declared after "automotive cleansing."
Introduced to the US in 1985, and selling for $3995, customers lined up at dealerships to buy the lemon, thinking it was "the next coming". Boosted by TV ads featuring articulate rhetoric praising the product as "the new hope" for cash and gas starved Americans, there was 5 times more customers than there were cars. Some say ACORN sales and marketing teams over subscribed the market.
Short on features, but high on Hype, customers lined up to put deposits on the cars without seeing the interior, or any list of included features. They would find out the hard way later. Wags quipped that Yugo stood for, "You go broke while the car doesn't perform on Campaign advertised promises ."
"Pimp my Ride" producers have travelled to Yugoslavia to begin the restoration and tailor the car to Obama's personal tastes.
According to the "Build Sheet", the limo will have the following features, all made in the USA:
- 28" Custom Chrome Wheels with Spinners, and VERY low profile run flat tires
- Tanned Alligator roof, with "moon feature" for traveling to see the Pope overseas
- A titanium hood ornament cast in the image of an African Goat to commemorate the President's humble beginnings
- Shaved door handles to prevent anyone from trying to open the doors and "touch" the President
- Etched, deeply tinted windows with images of Madonna, Paris Hilton, and Hugo Chavez. Additional advertising space is still available, according to the President's Marketing Agent.
- Exterior color will be "Plumb Purple" from the 1958 Dodge Desoto, a personal favorite of the President's father recalling the year of one of his favorite marriages, and the bruises he handed out during his "abuse" periods caused by quality Scotch addiction.
- The Zebra skinned interior will have completely reclining custom seating all around, including the driver seat, to enhance everyone's "laid back" look.
- Power for the vehicle will be a combination of solar, electric, wind, and LP gas.Details are not yet completed, but Nancy Pelosi and Al Gore are on top of the situation meeting in closed session.
- A state of the art sound system is being designed by BOSE, and Obama's favorite rappers are dedicating new "one off" cuts for the exclusive use of the President, mostly because the language is not fit for the public airways.
- For security, a special presentation case with a matching pair of Smith & Wesson chromed 9 mm pistols with engraved ACORN handles and 30 round mags are being custom tooled.
An Obama spokesman said that soon after the Washington inauguration, the President will be retracing the steps of his recent world tour in triumph.
Boeing is currently redesigning Air Force One to match many features on the limo, and says the plane representing the US will be ready by the second week in January if they don't receive any more change orders from the President's wife involving seat sizes.