Springfield PA -- Gay meats are the latest attraction at the Poke N Toke Grocery store in Springfield! Everyone has been lining up at the meat counter for freshly butchered gay men.
Queer cutlets, fagburgers and gay sausages are on everybody's menu these days. Succulent, roasted gay men are being served in the finest local restaurants as haute cusine. Forget gay weddings, gay barbecues are the latest rage.
Straight people finally found the final solution to the gay problem--if you can't beat them, eat them!
Gay men make wonderful dinners! Most gay men are athletic and are naturally low in fat and cholesterol. The meat is firm and juicy and tastes like chicken. Oscar Meyer, Tyson and Perdue have cornered the market on gays in major cities. Locally raised gay men are just as delicious, according to store manager Mr. Fish.
"We butcher them right in the back of the store! We had a gay man working in produce but he ended up in meats." laughed the evil Mr. Fish. "I won't tell you how we make gay sausage, but it involves castration, I'm sure you can imagine the rest!" he chuckled.
Erica McMuffin is a frequent shopper at the Poke N Toke and was looking at the meat counter for a gay ham. "I love gay ham, the meat is very firm." said the 800 pound butterball as she chose a juicy specimen. Mr. Fish recommended the gay ham be seasoned with garlic and cloves to make it more delicious.
"Someone should have thought of this years ago." said Ms. McMuffin. "Who knew that gays could be so good?"