Written by Chuck Barber
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Topics: Money, Star Wars

Tuesday, 1 June 2004

Announcing he's got plenty of money and has run out of ideas, George Lucas is calling it quits.

Plagued by terrible scripts, dull and predictable characters and horrible acting by many of the principles, episodes one and two of his Star Wars extravaganza - the fourth and fifth films made - have proved box office bonanzas, but critical flops.

With huge financial deals from toy manufacturers and soft drink companies already in hand, Lucas never had to worry the movies would make money. Film industry insider Joel Fagan notes, "Lucas never had to sell a ticket. He'd made back his investment before the first screening. You can look at the last two movies and tell he just doesn't care anymore. I mean, who in their right mind would hire heifer-look-alike Hayden Christiansen to be the most evil monster in space and then call him Annie? It's almost like he wants to sabotage the series."

At the press conference announcing the cessation of the final movie Lucas opined, "if only Shakespeare would write some more plays . . ."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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