Written by Judge Retort
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Topics: Russia, arctic

Tuesday, 7 October 2008

image for Russia threatens to seize swath of Arctic
Planned Turgid Russian Arctic Dacha

In this tumultuous economic climate, some are seizing on the eternal value of gold, while Russia seizes on the eternal region of cold - the Arctic.

Yes, laughing at foolish westerners archaically clutching gold to stabilize their future, Russia is taking an immensely far-sighted view - the view of the Arctic AFTER global warming is done and the globe is warm with the Arctic warmest, since it's at the top - and the frozen north becomes a polar tropic.

Russia, with the longest Arctic border, claims it is poised to be the resort capital commune of the world, dwarfing the entire luxurious Riviera of the Mediterranean.

Already, massive amounts of good Russian concrete cinderblocks are on there way to the new northern beach area for building luxury resorts in that cozy Siberian gulag style.

Russia's enthusiastic Minister of Exploitation of Global Warming proclaimed: "Da! Who will be last Nouveau riche standing *this* time, you decadent capitalist pigs?! You come work for Russian bear now! Maybe, we let you bus table and pick up empty vodka bottle and cigarette butt. Time-share for sale soon - next week - you check eBay, Da?!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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