Written by IN SEINE
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Topics: Pope, DUI

Sunday, 5 October 2008

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Ratzinger: a driven man

News has emerged today that Pope Benedict XVI was once accused of drink driving. Back in 1972 in Berlin, a young Cardinal Josef Ratzinger was driving his VW Beetle in a noticeably erratic manner.

In Seine News interviewed Heinz von Ketchup, the police officer who stopped his Holiness.

Von Ketchup said; "I was following zis tatty weiss beetle through Von Goebelstrasse and it vas swerving all over ze place and so I stopped him and I said "I suspect you of drink driving."

A man in a bright red dress and wild, staring eyes said; "Do you know who I am?"

"He showed me some Holy orders and told me he was Cardinal, Josef Ratzinger."

"I vas amazed at stopping the ze future Pope himself. and so all I could say is; "Sorry your Holiness, but I still think you're driving under the influence"

"Nein zir!" he said.

"Vell vos ist dat Zere?" I said pointing at ze bottle of wine on the passenger seat.

"Oh, it's a bottle of Holy water I'm taking for a baptism service." he told me.

"I vas not convinced and asked for ze bottle. He gave me ze bottle as I was sure he vas not telling ze truth."

As I popped ze cork, a rich aroma of grapes filled the air I said; "This is'nt water, it's wine."

"GOOD LORD! He's done it again!" he said.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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