Our reporter was able to corral the ebullient Sarah Palin after her stunning showing at the Vice-Presidential debate this past week. The showdown between Biden and Palin had been predicted to be a 'trainwreck for Palin,' especially, by the most liberal media of all, the New York Times.
Well, she fooled us all. Here was a confident, less than two-year Governor of Alaska, a never-spoken about state, except for that Sen. Stevens, the crook on trial. Yeah, why the heck did we buy Alaska from the Russkies? Ask a guy named Seward, the shmuck, now long deceased. Then, somebody made this wilderness a state in 1959 and they sucked out our Federal tax dollars! Boo!!! OK, then they gave us oil and, now, we suck up to them. A reversal of suck ups!
Anyway, back to the real Sarah Palin. Despite a top-notch performance against the 35-year tenured U.S. Senator Joe Biden of Delaware, 'the librarian every guy would love to sleep with,' knows that, now, in less than a month, she may be a has been.
Presidential Politics, your aggressive sleuths in D.C., caught up with Palin eating an Eskimo Pie after slugging down two Iron City beers at a mom and pop truck stop in Scranton, Pennsylvania. And, despite a six-person, highly-protective Secret Service contingency surrounding her, our reporter, Rasheed 'Al' Salami, managed to weasel in to hear the 'soccer mom' spill her guts. Wow, those bubbly brews got her to talk!
Seeming as if on an adrenaline rush, the sexy MILF from Wasilla just spewed:
"I think that McChaaaaaaine picked the right Vice Presidential running mate, but man, if I lose this gig, do I go back to soccer mom? Wow! Exciting! No way...my ass!
I know the men of America and elsewhere are hot for me, so I'll give 'em what they want...Playboy or Hustler or Split Beaver...I'm red hot now! Strike when the iron is hot! And this iron is even white hot!
You should see me in the nude! Want a stroke or heart attack, as I strip down to nothing? Gotcha on that, Mr. Reporter! You're actually drooling!
Then there's pole dancing, which will get me millions in Vegas. Note that Todd goes along with everything, as long as I don't do any 'dirty deed.' You know, I never realized how attractive and sexually provocative Tina Fey was until she did me! Wow! Sexpot soccer mom! Look, but don't touch!
Then, I have a deal where I can knock out Katie Couric for screwing with my fishing net on that interview setup on CBS. I learned a lot after that and her ass is now grass. And besides, CBS, watch out ABC and NBC. I'm finally a star!
Just imagine: Mayor of Wasilla? Dingleberry job. A no brainer. Man, I got 'em on that, didn't I?...even wore the Wasilla T-shirt to a wet T-shirt contest, which showed my hard eraser nipples. Men die for that!!! Also got me tons of votes for Governor. Use watcha got, I say!
And, I was angry at Todd during the Governor's race against incumbent Democrat Tony Knowles. so I kicked butt in anger! That's why I'm a Governor and don't you forget it! Inside, I'm all bitch. McChaaaaaine unleashed a monster. If he wins, I am one heartbeat away from top hotshot.
I remember that idiotic Chink fortune cookie in Anchorage and now laugh. It said, 'You rook rike ugry angro and act rike one too! So pooh on you!' I laughed every second we snowsledded home, both of us as drunk as a skunk!
I'm an item...hot, spunky, aware, ready to pounce like a tigress on the World. Todd is in deep shit. I know there are many men who want some nookie with me. Thousands! Wow! They fantasize that I'm a stick-in-the mud librarian and they're rutting and wanting to bang me. They know how great I look without that hair bun and glasses. They wanna quickly strip me and have their way with me.
Just please don't publish my comments."
We couldn't comply with her wish, as Palin had signed an interview contract before she started spilling the beans. Remember, she was schnockered. We told her that, but, then, she started throwing hockey pucks at us. It was time to leave.
C 2008 Presidential Politics