Washington DC - The Blessed Virgin Mary appeared suddenly today at high noon outside the White House. The Queen of Heaven appeared as a descending golden ball of light, surrounded by white doves and singing angels. Crowds of people gathered around! Many wept in disbelief and knelt before the heavenly vision.
"O my little children, don't be alarmed! It is your heavenly Mother come to earth. Arise, I say!" said the beatific Blessed Virgin Mary. "I come with news from my Holy Son. Pray, my children. Pray for all the babies!" said the BVM.
Suddenly, the apparition farted. Our Lady Of A Thousand Sorrows squatted down, grunted, and crapped on the green lawn of the White House. Chunks of steamy, brown turds dropped from under Our Most Blessed Virgin's blue and white robe. The BVM had a BM right in front of everyone!
Many in the crowd groaned with disgust. Some even threw-up.
"O my little children, so sorry to do that. My Heavenly Son has a wicked sense of humour sometimes! I ascended to Heaven bodily when I died. I still have all my body functions!"
The BVM looked around for toilet paper and noticed there wasn't any. "O my little children, my little angels! I need some shit paper, sorry about the mess!"
The air was heavy with the odour of shit and roses. Suddenly, the apparition farted again and disappeared in a brown cloud!