From his palatial estate occupying the western part of Pakistan and the Eastern provinces of Afghanistan Ossama bin Laden has declared victory over the Big Devil.
Ossama claimed his two goals of bankrupting and down sizing the democracy previously enjoyed by The Big Devil had been achieved. Ossama saw the collapse of the financial giants of Wall Street and the recent decline of General Motors stock to under 10 dollars a share as proof that the Big Devil was on the ropes.
He noted that Americans once believed General Motors was the bell-weather of their economy and were fond of saying, "What's good for GM is good for the country."
Ossama announced new plans to strip the Big Devil of his remaining assets by drowning him in a sea of debt with higher oil and military costs. He predicted the day of being able to pay for oil with devalued dollars was over and a new bundle currency would arise and replace the dominance of the dollar. He is reported to have dumped is dollar holdings and advised his followers to get out of the dollar as soon as possible.
Ossama went on to describe the down sizing of civil liberties in the United States. He said while he was encouraged by the Patriot Act and the Homeland Insecurity Acts, he believed new moves to remove all restraint from police departments are especially encouraging.
When asked when the war against the Big Devil would end Ossams said he would be satisfied when the United States officially became the United Police States.