Written by Rodd Justice
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Thursday, 6 December 2001

image for Bush Calls For Mid-East Peace

Valiant efforts have been made by world, Arab and Israeli statesmen to call for an end to violence in the Middle-East, and a return to the peace process. President Bush has led the world in saying "peace is good". Tony Blair followed by jotting down a personal statement, proclaiming that an end to violence would be "goode for the generation of toomorrow".

The recent cycle of violence was triggered last month in Tel Aviv, where three young Palestinians committed suicide moonings on a packed bus. Fifteen people saw at least a partial crack, and three suffered full "butt-cheek in face-cheek" injuries. The offenders were killed in the following stampede. The kids knew what they were getting into, and were willing to die showing the "Islamic crescent" in their bottoms.

Israel responded with a tit-for-tat attack on Yasser Arafat's headquarters in Gaza. Helicopter gunships circled the base, as an Israeli soldier yelled rude anagrams for the Palestinian leader's name from the sky. "Arse" was repeated on at least six occasions.

The violence has escalated in the following 24 hours. Terrorists last night entered office buildings in Haifa overnight, and planted "Whopee Cushions" on the seats of Israeli office workers. This morning, Israel awoke to the frightening sounds of a synthetic fart.

Angry Israelis demanded action from their hard-line government. After some further violent protest at border crossings in Gaza, the Minister for Joy and Serenity said "Arabs must die, they must all die and be killed by some kind of gas while they are crammed into an enclosed space".

Spokesmen for President Bush said in a statement last night that "all Israelis and Palestinians want peace, and to be free of violence. Let's not have the chance at a peaceful resolution ruined by a minority who favours violent means. The US wants to be part of that peace process".

In completely unrelated news: Israeli election sees swing to contraversial "GET THEM" party; 300,000 line streets of Ramallah for funeral of suicide bomber; Israeli schoolchildren love compulsory "Nuclear Physics" lessons; American defence firms boosted by Israeli missile deal.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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