Written by Clifford Rutley
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Wednesday, 24 September 2008

image for Cookers Start Collapsing Into Their Own Footprints
DANGER! Collapse Imminent!!

As it seems to be certain that the laws of physics have been changed since 911, with buildings falling into their own footprints with fires that are far below the melting point of structural steel girders and bolts, many housewives have started to experience a strange new phenomenon.

This new 'happening' has been going on all around the world with hobs, cookers and ovens falling symmetrically, at the speed of gravity, into their own footprints. From Tokyo to Huston and London to Beijing, many families have had to make do without dinner as their cookers have suddenly fallen to bits at temperatures far below the melting point of steel.

'I was making a lamb hot pot,' Mrs. Phillips from Carlisle told us, 'then there was a series of small explosions going off along the side of the oven and then the whole thing fell down symmetrically into its own footprint! Bob was most annoyed because he had spent hours, earlier on in the day, peeling and chopping the carrots and potatoes.'

'All I was doing was heating up a tin of tomato soup for my lunch,' Miss Jennings from Portsmouth said, when she called us to tell of her astonishment at what had just happened to her Cookmaster 2000. 'Then the whole thing suddenly collapsed into a neat little pile in the floor!'

The backlash has been astonishing, as many cooker manufacturers are now going bankrupt as a result of people returning their neat piles of former oven components to them and demanding refunds.

'I don't know what the world is coming to!' Russell Hob, former owner of a now bankrupt oven manufacturer, told us. 'Before 911 the laws of physics were normal, now government cover ups have somehow changed reality and now sky scrapers have started collapsing as soon as someone strikes a match somewhere near them. I don't know what the hell is going on!'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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