Written by Chuck Barber
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Topics: China, Science

Saturday, 29 May 2004

image for Sex Causes Babies - So Chinese Say
Chinese Babies Look Normal

Scientists in the People's Republic of China announced findings today which suggest that sexual intercourse leads to pregnancy. Long believed in the closed ranks of Chinese science to be nothing more than western propaganda, the findings came as a complete surprise to most top researchers.

Head project scientist Dr. Wen Lo Fu explained through an interpreter that traditional Chinese theory held that children were blessings from the Gods. "There are many stories of women remaining chaste all their lives, yet having ten or fifteen children. My own mother is an example."

For years China has struggled with a huge population explosion yet all attempts to combat the problem have proved futile. Prayers, fasting and the casting of the pregnancy stone into swiftly moving water - believed to purify the womb - have not proven successful in reducing the population significantly.

Dr. Wen admitted that perhaps they had been going about it in the wrong way. "Those in the West have long said condoms were the answer, but until we had the results of this research wearing a condom seemed as sensible as wearing shoes during intercourse."

After the initial briefing Dr. Wen led reporters to a darkened room with a curtain covering one wall. When everyone was seated he pulled the curtain aside revealing fifteen babies lying in bassinets. "Here we have children born of women who have had sexual intercourse. Their mothers were forbidden to pray for children, forbidden to pay their doctor for a pregnancy potion. And yet you see the results before you. They look normal." He shrugged his shoulders and raised his arms, palms up, "Who knew?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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