Stonehenge - (Holy Ass Mess): An apparition of the Virgin first appeared in Stonehenge around 2300 BC according to forensic archaeologists examining the ancient monument.
Stone carvings of the neolithic Madonna have been found on one of the biggest sarsen stones that makes up the historic erection and the image appears to be weeping tears of blood.
"This is a classic Virgin-on-the Rocks scenario," Prof V Smart of the Institute of Relics, Paranormal Artefacts and Paraphernalia said today.
"Here we have proof that Stonehenge was built as a temple to Isis, Mother of Creation - a key player in the subsequently hijacked Judaeo-Christian legends that became the bedrock of modern western so-called civilization."
The site has also unearthed other spectacular carvings that bear a striking resemblance to Egyptian hieroglyphs found in the fabled Valley of the Kings site.
Cuneiform specialist have decoded a number of these writings which tell of a patriarchal Roman plot circa 34 AD to usurp the sovereignity of Isis and replace it with a cheapo Herod-inspired replica narrative.
Emasculation of the god Osiris was the first step on the path to the modern Vatican.