Belfast - (AssoCIAted Mess): Loyalist paranormal nutter Michael Stone has told a Belfast Crown Court today that his attempt to storm Stormont and blow it to smithereens was a spoof - "a act of performance art along traditional Northern Irish spoofing lines, Bejaysus."
"All them explosives under me anorak were replicas, M'Lud," Stone told the judge.
"As for the so-called pipe bomb, it was just some dodgy tobacco inside my six inch Cadger, the one I bought off that Antiques Roadshow feller."
His barrister then explained to the jury the circumstances before the incident which IRA bastards-turned Global Piss Process Luminaries Gerry Adams and Martin McGuiness say was designed to destroy them:
"My client is a bit of a humorist and wanted to bring a smile to the chaps inside the Stormont building," Sir Norman Fang QC postulated.
"Plenty of people on either side of the border would have seen the funny side of it, M'Lud."
The hearing continues.