Written by Crystal Clear
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Sunday, 21 September 2008

image for Huge Success for the Large Hadron Collider
'Oh my God' particle counter measures

Scientist today reveal the full success story of the LHC as they switch it off for a few months to cool down, the European Organization for Nuclear Research (Cern) says.

A spokesperson said it simply fantastic, "We knew at the outset that just colliding photons would not be enough to create the 'Oh my God' particle. So what we did was to introduce a standard fiscal beam, you know, things like bonds, securities, equity funds and the like. Then for the other opposing beam we used the same particles bonded with anti matter called sub-prime.

"We installed new detectors globally, London, Paris, New York, and Hong Kong as we knew that the laws of physics indicated that if the 'Oh my God' particle did exist, it could show up anywhere. When we switched on the collider on Monday, we just couldn't believe our luck, the 'Oh my God' particle was showing up everywhere."

The emotional scientist went on to explain that three types of the 'Oh my God' particle were discovered, and they have been named the Lehman, AIG and HBOS particles. They all behave similar to black holes and attempts to destroy them with streams of money particles have met with little success.

Scientific sources say that the LHC will be switched off, as it got a little on the hot side, but we're hopping to turn it back on sooner if things calm down.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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