Hamilton, Bermuda - (Extraterrestrial Mess): The pride of Russia's navy has run aground in the Bermuda Triangle after a series of UFO sightings.
US Navy coastguards have reported that an alien mothership appears to have lured Vladimir Putin's fleet into the notorious Bermudan black hole just days before a joint naval exercise with Venezuelan ships.
The operation had been ordered by President Hugo Chavez after hundreds of Venezuelan-funded Russian cocaine submarines were seized in the Caribbean last year by US and UK Navy patrols.
A total of 50,000 kilos of high grade cocaine was seized along with 40,000 kilos of crack.
This prompted an outcry among Non Aligned Crack Barons Federation moguls such as Ken Livingstone, Roman Abramovich and Boris Berezovsky.
At a Caracas press conference today Venezuela's Rear Admiral Salbatore Camorra Bastardes said:
"F**ing heil! We are totally screwed."
Meanwhile in Hamilton residents have reported a string of UFO shuttles circling the beached remains of several Russian Akula Class hunter-warrior nuclear subs.
"Looks like an extraterrestrial force field has paralysed the whole lot and a tractor beam is now dragging the fleet to the Bermuda Triangle's unofficial marine scrapyard."
Hugo Chavez is certifiable.